Let there be cake!

May 17, 2013

Today I am 193.2 pounds of rolling thunder.

Just in case you missed me, no I haven't fallen off the edge of the Earth, I've just been busy. Don't you hate it when life gets in the way of the things you want to do?

So life finally dealt me a hand where for the first time in weeks I've been able to string six or seven days of running together in a row. What a novel concept.

Anyway, Runner's World magazine keeps sending me these "A better ways to breathe" emails, and I'm pretty sure there's no besting the huff-and-puff style I'm now employing. And I'm fairly certain given my total lack of rhythm that I'm ever going to breathe step, step, step and then breathe again.

They might as well stop and send me "Better ways to eat?" Wait, they send those, too, already. Maybe they could just send me cake. Yeah cake, that would definitely be something better to eat, if not something better for me to eat.

So believe it or not, after a winter and spring filled with snow, the temperature finally tipped 90 this week, so all bets are off. It's time to stop making excuses and get out and run. Yes, it's time once again for the world's slowest human to start pounding the mean streets of suburbia once again.

I haven't found my stride yet this year. It's funny to talk about stride, when most of what I do is move my stubby little legs in a choppy style that looks nothing like the elegant runners you see on TV. Heck, it looks nothing like kids on a playground who truly enjoy running.

But perhaps the thing that troubles me the most is how much I stop to walk. I came late to the distance running game, but you'd think after a few years of consistent running that I wouldn't have to walk on the hills. It really bums me out when I give in to the little voice inside my head that tells me my quads are burning or my lungs don't have anything left, and I slow to a brisk walk.

Well, if golf is a good walk spoiled, then running is a chance for a walk to redeem itself. I say there's nothing better than when your conditioning, energy and focus come together and you're running stronger at mile six than at mile one. Hey, it can happen. Probably the day after Runner's World emails me a piece of cake.

So I say it's time, my motivationally challenged friends to get off your duffs and hit the streets. And if you see the world's slowest human in the process, give me a wave.

Run, but don't forget to bring home chocolate

Monkeys Made of Sockies

Feb. 14, 2013 -- Happy Valentine's Day

Today I am 195.2 pounds of loveable rolling thunder.

I usually caution my children not to use Wikipedia as a reliable source for their research, but what the heck, it's Valentine's Day, and I need to make some time for a run.

Our friends at Wikipedia who have chosen to enlighten us on the topic say that St. Valentine's Day owes its origins to a liturgical celebration of one or more early Christian saints named Valentinus. Hmmm. One or more, eh?

So they go on to say that the favorite story of martyrology involving the saint claims that he was imprisoned for performing weddings for soldiers who were not allow to marry, and, of course, ministering to Christians.

So how did we get to the chocolate-covered greeting card high holy day that we now celebrate? The Wikis tell us that the holiday was first associated with romantic love in the High Middle Ages in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer. Dang, I knew I should have paid more attention in Lit class in high school.

Sending flowers, cards and of course candy on this day goes back to the 15th century, so Wikipedia tells us. And the handwritten sentiments gave way to mass-produced cards by the 1800s. Soon to give way to the Billy Bass Christmas singing mounted fish, I'm sure (Wikipedia didn't have that; I'm just adding my own facts for dramatic effect).

So what does this all have to do with running? Squat.

But I figured if you were going to sneak in a run after work and before dinner with your sweetheart, you better come bearing the facts about the holiday while you suffer the grief of leaving her or him alone for an hour.

 I say enjoy the day. It looks like another fine one for running. And with any luck, you'll see the world's slowest human out there with you, so give me a wave ... and don't forget to bring home the chocolate.