When Oprah calls, I'm answering

Jan. 23, 2013

Today I am 195.4 pounds of rolling thunder.

So Oprah called (well not really, but just suppose she did, it will make your run time go faster), and she invited me to come sit on the couch for a chat.

And while I'm not an Oprah-watching regular, I figure what the heck. She probably wants me to do a Lance Armstrong-style tell all about my use of performance enhancing tweets that I've secretly been using to further my career as a blogger, editor and online personality.

Little does she know that "will blog for food" comes closer to describing my social media career than I care to admit. But if Oprah wants me, it must be time to come clean about all my unsavory activities.

The new year isn't even a month old and already I've got grist for my somewhat twisted mill to grind. Is it just me, or are there two stories I care little about that just won't seem to go away. 

And there might be a third. I'm still trying to figure out if it's a success or failure that Michelle Obama can mix and match off-the-shelf J.Crew fashion with high-dollar custom designed clothes.

I'd think if you were the masterminds at J.Crew your cup would runneth over with good fortune these days. But wouldn't it sting just a little if you were the designer who got upstaged by off-the-shelf fashions? 

Anyway, on to more pressing matters, or at least the stories that won't go away, and you've got to ask yourself why.

The first is this whole Manti Te'ofake girlfriend thing. If this kid played football for say Slippery Rock State instead of Notre Dame, there's no way we would have ever heard anything about this. And even at Notre Dame, why do we keep hearing more and more about this hoax.

And shouldn't somebody be asking why a student-athlete with a Notre Dame education didn't have more common sense?

I guess those same people should also be asking why the networks are still so fascinated with the story.

Beyonce

 My second ho-hummer is Beyonce lip-syncing the "National Anthem." Who cares? If this were a great big ginormous Beyonce concert that people paid a lot to hear her sing, then yes, cry foul all you want. This was someone singing a difficult song under extreme conditions. Lots of folks prerecord the "National Anthem" for a variety of reasons.

Shouldn't we be more caught up in the history of the moment? Shouldn't there be more attention placed on the inauguration of Barack Obama for a second term?

Well thanks for inviting me, Oprah. I'm sure this will be a real ratings bonanza.

Be sure to wave at me as I go cruising by on my daily run -- who knows, I might be run-syncing the whole thing.

A Penguin Walks Into A Bar ...

Jan. 17, 2013

Today I am 194.2 pounds of rolling blunder, I mean thunder.

The roll was a little slower than usual today because I was listening to my body whine and walked instead of run. But it was still a great winter day to get outside, break a sweat and get the motor running.

Running, biking and lawn mowing = think time.

At least that's how it works for me. Give me a mindless, repetitive activity such as running and I get a lot of great thinking done. Yesterday I came up with the great conclusion that Pinterest may just be the third horseman of the social media zombie apocalypse.

I was even able to build enough of a supporting argument that it became a blog posting on my other blog (Xogdogsblog.com) if you're interested.

But there are times when the old creative juices get overrun by testosterone, and what sounded like a good idea doesn't make much sense when you stop and cool down. And many times if you write it down and look the next day it makes even less sense.

But these are the days of little sense: Lance Armstrong admits doping; Tiger Woods wants to get back with his baby mommy and now a Notre Dame football player named Manti Te'o has been "Catfished."

So it's in this spirit that I'm sharing some actual oddball interview questions that came my way today via glassdoor.com. If nothing else, it will give you something to let rumble around in your head while you click off the miles.

"If you were to get rid of one state, which would it be and why?" Forrester Research asked

Dell: "What songs best describe your work ethic?"

Clark Construction Group: “A penguin walks through that door right now wearing a sombrero.  What does he say and why is he here?”

Urban Outfitters: “Pick two celebrities to be your parents.”

Bandwith.com: “What kitchen utensil would you be?”

JetBlue: “How many quarters would you need to reach the height of the Empire State building?”

So hopefully somewhere in this batch of questions there's one you can ponder that will make the miles go faster. Good luck and be safe out there.

What Am I Going To Do With Lance Armstrong's Pants?

Today I'm 192.2 pounds of rolling thunder, and the parent of an 18-year-old. Happy birthday to a fine young man.

I've got a pair of Lancey-pants in my closet. They've been there for years.

No, they aren't actually Lance Armstrong's racing shorts, but they are a pair of United States Postal Service shorts with the tag still on them. I bought them, where else, from the post office during one of the last years of its sponsorship of the cycling team.

I've always wondered what to do with the shorts? Ride with them? Sell them on eBay? Put them back in the bottom of my hamper full of bike jerseys and shorts and let them bake a while longer, so they will one day really be worth something?

I've tried them on a time or two, but they've never touched a bike saddle, so I'm going to call their condition "pristine," which is much more than I can say for the reputation of their celebrated champion.

Babe Ruth

In America we like our heroes supersized. From Babe Ruth to Michael Jordan, America loves a winner, especially those that are filled with vibrato and confidence that helps them transcend into a status which is larger than life.

David probably would have been a great American hero. Imagine the endorsement deals for a kid who takes down a giant with a slingshot and some stones if he had lived in the TV age?

You know you've made it when you land in the one-name club. Think Tiger, Shaq, Kobe, LeBron, Elvis, Dale and yes, Lance. And Thursday night on OWN, two of America's favorite one-name icons will collide for the much awaited tell-all interview with Lance spilling his guts to Oprah.

Lance Armstrong

Raise your hand if you were a true believer (it's OK, you're not alone). We all bought into the Texas swagger of a hero whose name seemed to be ripped out of a graphic novel. Lance Armstrong ... All-American Biker Boy!

Child of a single mom. Triathlon champ as a teen. Cancer survivor. Tour de France champ.

For many of us, Greg LeMond was the original American biking hero, but that was in a time when racing two-wheelers was about as popular on television as luge racing and miniature golf. Back then, we weren't the ESPN generation, so dribs and drabs of bike racing news were all we got on television.

Greg LeMond

To his credit, Lance made biking sexy. Where LeMond had put the sport on the map, Lance drove a truck down the interstate of success. Everyone wanted to ride like Lance.

When one Tour de France victory became two and three and then seven we were all mesmerized by the living legend. We wanted to believe, and suddenly water cooler conversations turned from who shot J.R. to carbon fiber versus titanium and we all knew the difference between Lance's fast cadence spilling style and Jan Ullrich's pounding of the big gear.

Phil Liggett

Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen became rock stars, and their familiar pitter-patter on the late-night recap of the tour became a lullaby for racing fans.

Outdoor Life Network became OLN and then Versus, and we all set our VCR's to record the stages so we could rush home and watch the reality TV programming of the TDF.

That Armstrong's saga included a battle with deadly testicular cancer made the tale all the more endearing. We shared in the story of him marrying a beautiful wife and their adorable children. It was the greatest of great American stories, and even when the couple split we were somehow OK when he hooked up with rocker Sheryl Crowe.

We all jumped on board to buy the ubiquitous yellow wristbands to support the Livestrong Foundation. Face it, who could be against the fight against cancer? Who could turn down the Texas Tornado who rocked the biking world with "The Look?"

But when you're dreams are supersized, the fall from grace can be a mighty long fall.

Sadly, Livestrong will suffer great collateral damage from all of this. Millions of yellow bands will probably be trashed as Lance's reputation is rightfully dragged through the mud. Fairly or unfairly, the foundation will be judged by the house of cards built by Lance and his reputation as the guy who beat cancer and won without using drugs.

As quick as Americans are to jump on a leader's bandwagon, when we are played for a fool as we appear to have been by the Lance machine, we're eager to extract our pound of flesh in vengeance.

When I think of all the cancer patients who drew inspiration from Lance's story, I'm sad. How many sick kids and adults hung on his every word and racing success so that they could endure another day, thinking if Lance could do it, surely they could, too.

Oprah

Many Lance fans feel that they could tolerate his use of performance-enhancing drugs because seemingly everyone was doing it at the time. But the lies and bullying have caused them to reach a tipping point, and no amount of Oprah is going to soothe that wound.

In my lifetime, I've seen Nixon resign, Bill Clinton rise from the ashes of a sex scandal and Tiger Woods find his way back from punch line to pro-golfing elite. Heck, I'd even vote for Pete Rose to get into the Hall of Fame.

 It's going to take a while for Lance. The fact that he built a web of lies to protect himself and then shrouded it all in the goodness of a cancer-fighting foundation seems tawdry and borderline unforgivable.

This isn't as easy as sitting on Oprah's couch for two nights, crying a bit, and then giving the ol' "my bad." I think about his poor mother and how this news might affect her. I think about his kids being harassed at school.

I think I'm going to fold up my Lancey-pants and put them back in the closet and do the same with my emotions while I allow this enough time to sink in and I can make a decision about Lance's legacy.

In the meantime, I'm going to keep my Livestrong wristband, and I'm going to support everyone who has been touched by cancer because that's a cause in which we cannot fail.

So get out there and run today, even if you aren't in the one-name club.

The fading image of Lance

Lance On Oprah, What Does It Mean?

Jan. 10, 2013

Today I am 194.0 pounds of rolling thunder.

Who among us hasn't laced up our shoes and gone for a run dreaming that we are a marathon champion running alone as the pack fades away and we race toward the glory of victory?

And who among us hasn't thought of climbing the Alps Lance Armstrong-style as we stood up on the pedals and climbed that big hill in the neighborhood or on a weekend loop with our friends? Just once, you think, "I'll glance over my shoulder and give Jan Ullrich "the look" and then race away as he sucks my fumes."

But those are the things of fantasy for most of us whose body mass index floats around the mid-20s and up and are not graced with super-human strength.

Now I've always been a true believer when it comes to Lance. I believed his body was touched by the athletic gods who let him do fantastic things as a rider, triathlete and runner. So I'd always taken the show-me approach when it came to his critics. I held onto these beliefs like a 7-year-old waiting up for Santa, but these days it has gotten almost impossibly difficult.

The Wall Street Journal today asks "What Lance Armstrong Wants FromOprah?"

Me, I'd like a little of that Oprah cash, but I'd settle for a mention of my blog on her television program.

Lance is going on Oprah next week apparently to air his side of the ongoing saga that is his life, which is deeply embroiled in a drama of performance-enhancing drug use among other unsavory accusations.

For me, there has always been a Lance bike star and a Lance human being. When people ask, "Are you a Lance fan?" My response has always been that he is a great athlete and an amateur human being in most respects.

Now I'll give him huge points for what he has done for the fight against cancer and the tremendous support he has given to individuals who suffer with the disease. Heck, I was one of the first to don a yellow Livestrong bracelet before it was somehow cool to have a little yellow band on your wrist.

And drugs or no drugs, winning seven Tours de France is beyond compare when you think about all the adversity that can come your way over a three-week bike race. Just think in your own life how a small setback in anything you have attempted could send things spiraling out of control. Now think of keeping a team of riders and your own fate under control while other teams set their primary sights on bringing you down.

I think we've all heard the stories of how you are either in the Lance camp all the way, or he has frozen you out. And I think it's always sad when families are broken apart, but it must be incredibly difficult to have a rock star father whose commitment to racing keeps you apart so much of the year.

So the WSJ said essentially that Lance built a superstar lifestyle filled with jet planes and celebrity pals. In light of the drug issues, Lance has in "plummeted back to earth." And when you fall from those heights, it sounds like the plummet can be brutal.

The WSJ quotes ESPN writer Don Van Natta Jr. who posted on Twitter, "You don't go on Oprah to confess. You go on Oprah to be forgiven." 

I think there are still hard-core Lance fans who want to believe. I've always worried when his denials were "I've never failed a drug test," and not "I did not use PEDs."

So forgive or don't forgive, that's very much an individual decision each of us will have to make. I say, what's most important is not to lose sight of the great things that the Livestrong Foundation has done in terms of raising awareness and raising money for a great cause.

So I'll be tuning in to watch Lance on Oprah as will many of you I'm sure.

That little voice inside of me, the 7-year-old true believer, will keep thinking "Say it isn't so Joe (Lance), say it isn't so."