Just Say No To Veg-O-Matic

Day 51 -- Sept. 26, 2012

Today I'm 191 pounds of rolling thunder.

It's been just over a month since the lung exerciser came into our home.

If you've been reading along, this was the device I ordered off Amazon.com to help increase my lung strength and breathing capacity.

Now I'm about the biggest gizmo and gadget skeptic as there is out there. To me the Pocket Fisherman and Veg-O-Matic are strictly non-starters.

That's not to say I haven't tried my share of mega-shakes, wrist-strength builders and other revolutionary gadgets that came with promises of weight loss, muscle gain and general stamina increase. 

But I've always been a poor runner and after four or so years of running on a regular basis I decided to roll the dice and try the lung exerciser. My idea was to find something that works but not so expensive that if it was a total fail I'd get upset every time I saw it collecting dust on my nightstand.

Now I'll grant you $40 was a high price to pay for some plastic pipe, a converted plastic mouthpiece and a tiny plastic ball, but you know what? This just might be Viagra for your lungs. OK, not Viagra, but definitely a form of performance enhancing drug.

In the last week, I've run my normal 6.5-mile loop twice without stopping to walk, as well as my 5.5-mile trek yesterday. And while I'm no faster than before, I find that I'm not stopping for my heart and lungs to catch up with each other.

And the great thing is, no 'roid rage. You just have to be sure and use the device daily. And, of course, wash the thing out on a regular basis.

Now I'll be the first to admit I sound a lot like Darth Vader sitting there wheezing in and out of my lung exerciser while I type away at my computer. And I look a lot like a person on one of those late-night infomercials.

But so far, so good. I made my normal long loop today with only a few stop light stops, but more important, no walking. It was a mild day, and that may be part of the difference in my success, but I chugged down the last hill with enough energy to keep going.

So if you see the world's slowest human out hitting the streets with a new-found spirit, give me a wave.

Luke, I'm Your Lung Exerciser

Day 19 (or 20, depends on who's counting)

Today I'm 194.2 pounds of rolling thunder.

And after watching the "Biggest Loser: Makeover Edition," I feeling a little somewhere between guilty and grateful. Grateful that I didn't start at 300 pounds plus. But guilty that the dial on my scale hasn't dipped any faster than it has.

I guess grateful, too, that it didn't rise uncontrollably to an embarrassing level while I penned this blog.

So yesterday's run was another quick one sandwiched into my break from my editing work. Forty-five minutes of running without a stop. The temps were mild and the humidity was up but manageable. 

I climbed a hill that I've never been able to run all the way up in the past. It wasn't fast or pretty, but I made it.

Saturday afternoon, Darth Vader rolled into our house in the form of a package from Amazon. Inside the package was something called a lung exerciser.

Now before you go writing me off as a COPD patient or something dire, these devices also have been tested and approved for runners, bikers and endurance athletes.

Still, I couldn't help but feel a little bit like old Darth when I put the little breather in my mouth and it began hissing as I sucked air in and out through the mouthpiece.

I also couldn't help but feel a little bit like Kevin Costner in "Tin Cup" when he tried on all the golf gizmos he'd ordered from late-night television. I'm usually pretty good about steering clear of those gimmicks, and QVC and I parted company long ago.

So on the Saturday the grand experience began. Darth Vader is in the house (sans mask) and the wheezing has begun. The tiny instruction book said 25 breaths at a time, three times a day. It also said I won't feel the real effects for about a month.

Here's the deal. I'll keep you updated on my progress. I've never been a really strong breather while running, so what the heck.

In a month, if the thing works I'll tell you all about it. Or in 30 days, if you see a lung exerciser on EBay you'll know why.

Either way, you see the world's slowest human out on the street today, give me a wave and I'll wheeze right back at you.