Meet the New Road Warrior

March 27, 2013

Today I am 198.0 pounds of rolling thunder.

Somebody want to tell winter that it's spring, so it's time to pack your bags filled with snow and get the heck out of town?

Doesn't Old Man Winter realize were almost to weekend No.2 of the NCAA basketball tournament? It never snows this late in the year, and yet, here we are with six inches of the slushy stuff still under foot.

Last weekend's snowfall has made this week's running a bit of an adventure. Wasn't it just a week ago Friday that I ran five miles with no shirt on in 80-degree weather? What happened to that? What happened to all of spring break and it's promise of the oncoming spring?

Punxsutawney Phil you done me wrong son. I'm done with the snowy stuff. Bring on the spring. Recheck that shadow-watching thing, your gauges must be stuck or something.

So I clip-clopped my usual joggerly pace around the 'hood again today. The weather was cool, but the sun shone down and there was little wind to make it a bitter day out on the streets. 

Yes, it was a street day as the majority of sidewalks have yet to be plowed. My first half mile isn't so bad. It's on a wide street with moderate traffic, so it's a pretty safe go even when you run on the asphalt.

Then comes the tricky part. I hate to do it to my metal-contained friends, but with 5-6 inches of snow still packing many of the sidewalks there's little else a runner can do but to grab some space on the edge of the open road. Normally, I try and stay as near to the edge as I can, and most drivers are courteous enough to nudge their way over to the far side of the lane.

But some drivers are out to prove a point. These so-and-so's take pleasure in making you dive into the snowbanks, or hop up into the snow that's piled up on the sidewalk. 

When all is said and done, I've got nothing to complain about. I got out and ran, and that beats sitting inside on a stationary bike any day of the week.

So here's the deal, get out and run. Enjoy the snow before it's gone for another year. And if you see the world's slowest human taking up some road space, give me a wave.

Why Did I Ever Race The Clock?

Day 50 -- Sept. 25, 2012

Today I'm 193.2 pounds of rolling thunder.

It's been a while since I raced the clock. Quite a while in fact.

One of the nice things about being the world's slowest human is never having to punch the clock.

But every once in a while I indulge my vanity and try a little test of speed. And just as often I get a punch to the gut that tells me that I'm not fooling anyone.

Nevertheless I've been running well lately with few if any breaks to walk, so I thought I'd test my mettle with a 3-mile timed run. I have a 3-mile route that is a mixture of stop lights and small hills, so timing is everything if you want to keep momentum going.

I warmed up by jogging up the hill near my house. It's a half-mile stretch that tells me where I'm at for the day. Run all the way up, and it's going to be a good day. Run/walk/run and it's OK. Run and then walk, and you're asking for trouble.

But part of the reason I start on top of the hill is to give myself a rolling start. I know downhills are tougher on ankles, knees and other joints, but so far it hasn't been an issue.

So I jogged to the top of the hill and took it as an omen that it was going to be a good day out on the road. I stopped at the corner to stretch and loosen my muscles, which, by the way, are genetically hard-wired to be tight as piano wire.

It was a mild yet humid day, so sweat came easy as I punched my wrist watch and started down the mile-long descent to the first turn. And even though you say time doesn't matter, just once it would be nice to look down at the half-mile or mile marker and be surprised by the number staring back at you.

There was no surprise at the half-mile mark. The number on my watch was large and getting larger.

I made the mile turn in a time that could as easily have been measured on a sun dial as on a digital wrist watch. Ouch! But I was still running. No walks.

I rounded the corner and began the second mile, which is filled with rolling hills and a single stop light. A long stop light, but the only one along the way. Catch it just right and you can maintain momentum from the hill you're on as you ascend the next one. Miss it, and it's a long wait for green.

I figured I'd be OK if I was only a minute slower in the second mile -- not proud, but OK. So moral victory No. 2 was making the second mile with all its hills without walking and only a minute slower than the downhill mile at the start of the run.

I turned the corner and headed for home. A half-mile downhill followed by a long flat (with two lights) and then a gradual ascent to the finish. I saw a walker in the distance so I pushed to try and catch her. I made the stop light and passed the walker on the flat.

I made the second light with little delay and rolled up the final climb. My time was horrible, but I had gone the distance without a walk or much of a pause. Victory was in the doing and not in the time was my rationalization, and I'm sticking to it.

So the next time you see the world's slowest human out on the streets, give me a wave.

You Should Have Been There ... Magic!

Day 48 -- Sept. 23, 2012

Today, I'm 192 pounds of rolling thunder.

Which isn't bad since I took yesterday off from my usual running regimen.

Instead, we went to watch our older son race at Rim Rock Farm. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

 Today I found a gear I didn't know I had. Because it's a weekend day I did an hour run with no preset patch. I just went out and wandered with a basic loop in mind. There were hills and flats on a gorgeous cool morning that was sun-kissed from the get-go.

I got passed by the usual folks -- the serious runners; the people who run with dogs; jugglers and guys in gorilla costumes. It's not easy being the world's slowest human.

But with time running out, I felt the need to try and power up the last hill. That's right, I said power. 

Now the casual observer might not have noticed it, but I could feel the surge as I made my way up the climb. And instead of walking from time to time, I was able to accelerate.

Now my little victory was nothing compared to what we witnessed the day before at Rim Rock. This was something of an elite race with competitors from throughout the Midwest. But the performance by Shawnee Mission West's Alli Cash was nothing short of remarkable. 

Cash covered the hilly, wind-swept course north of Lawrence in 13:59, shattering the 4K course record and finishing 14 seconds faster than any previous high school girl had ever completed the loop. 

A week ago we had seen her finish two minutes ahead of the pack, so we knew something special could be in store. But with the hills and the wind at Rim Rock, who could predict she'd run this fast.

Hats off to the Vikings' senior. She's got that ease of stride that the great one do that make them appear not to be exerting at all while pushing their inner red line to give it all they've got.

So if you missed my special charge up the hill today, it wasn't so great. I'll just leave you with some pictures of someone you should have seen. Magic!

Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/2012/09/22/3828600/cash-dashes-to-rim-rock-victory.html#storylink=cpy