The Waiting is the Hardest Part

March 29, 2013

Today I am 194.0 pounds of rolling thunder, trying to find grace in my life.

Songster Tom Petty told us years ago that the waiting is the hardest part.

About mid-afternoon yesterday, I got tired of waiting for the mail carrier, so I decided to go out for my daily run. We’ve been waiting about a month for some news about colleges, and April 1 was supposed to be a D-Day of sorts for the announcement.

It was one of the first mild weather days we've had in about two weeks. That early spring snowfall had coated the streets and sidewalks, making running tricky and treacherous, so it became more a labor of love than a fruitful jog.

April 1 was D-Day, but we had it on good authority that the news would come earlier (thanks, Twitter), every day this week I've played a game of hide-and-go-seek with the mailman. To this point, the waiting game has been the hardest part, and March the cruelest month.

 "Every day you see one more card," Tom says in his song. And every day, we waited by the mailbox for a decision that would change all our lives.

The next line in the song goes, "you take it on faith, you take it from the heart," and while everyone remembers "the waiting is the hardest part," perhaps that line about faith says more about how we live our lives than any other.

For countless generations we've all taken our existence and fate on faith. Every day you get to see one more card -- sometimes a couple, if you're lucky. But every day, you put your faith and hope into a belief that things will work out OK. That your kids will grow up safely. That you will grow old gracefully. That you will be surrounded by a world of grace.

I ran six miles for the first time since last fall. It was a mixture of walking and running, but it was a distance I needed to cover, even if it required a mix of walking and jogging. My hope was that I would turn the corner, heading to home and see a large envelope hanging from our mailbox.

I knew from my research that big envelope meant in and small was ... small. The run helped me get my mind off the wait -- at least for a bit. No matter how creaky your body feels, it's always good to get out and move your body.

While I wasn't going to win any speed races, at least I was moving. And so were countless others on a Thursday afternoon.

 As I dropped down the final hill, heading toward home, I my mind drifted back to the decision at hand. I looked around to see if any of the houses on my route had mail sticking out of their boxes.

I turned the corner for home. I spotted my mailbox off in the distance. You take it on faith. You take it from the heart.

The waiting is the hardest part.

Don't Forget: Running Makes Things OK

Jan. 22, 2013

Today I am 194.2 pounds of rolling thunder.

And yes I mean rolling thunder. For the first time in nearly two weeks I rolled through my daily run.

And while it wasn't necessarily pain-free, it was at least not painful. The past two weeks or so have been an exercise in patience that I often do not have. 

Runner's World Kick in the Butt Quote of the Day:

"Truly, I love running. It's who I am. It's a part of me. Even if I can only run for 10 minutes, I feel whole and happy. And if everything else is falling to pieces, I go for a run, and I feel like things are going to be OK."
Johanna Olson, Olympic Marathon Trials runner who died of brain cancer at the age of 33

Running isn't who I am, although it's become a bigger part of the me that I identify with. For years, riding a bike was who I was, but in the last few years saddle time has been traded for running shoe time. I still like to ride, but instead of four hours on a Saturday morning I now spend an hour or two running.

It was good to get back out on the road today. Over the weekend, I decided to not force the issue and run in the icy cold, while giving my back a break and riding my stationary bike instead. The nice thing about riding indoors is being able to lose yourself in whatever is on TV.

The bad thing about riding inside is that it never seems like as good a workout as when you venture outside either on a bike or a run. It's hard to simulate that feeling of your heart pounding out of your chest and those deep breaths you have to draw when climbing a hill.

Plus the fresh air and sunshine do wonders for your disposition. If I skip a day of doing something physical I can feel it. Just getting my heart rate raised a little while riding a stationary bike does me a lot of good. And in this weekend's case, it helped loosen all those sore back muscles, while resting my back enough to get me back on the road.

So whether you love running or just like it a lot, get out there and move -- walk, run, bike or roll. Do something to get your body moving so everything will be OK.

 

Long-Term Goal: Be Around To Run Long Term

Jan. 11, 2013

Today I am 192.4 pounds of rolling thunder. Obviously, whatever gremlin that had crawled inside and was pushing the numbers up the other day has since been exorcised.

Today's Runner's World magazine quote of the day is one worth holding on to:

"My long-term goal is to be around to run long-term."

Jeremy Dobrick

I think we should all pledge an oath to be around long enough to live our lives, running and not running, long-term. That day you wake up on the wrong side of the grass will be sad indeed. So pledge to stay running and living as long as you can.

Today, I got back to running thanks to ice, heat, rest and medication. After a week of walking and indoor bike riding it was good to have that running feeling again. It was good to draw in deep breaths of a runner and let them go. It was good to feel my heart rate elevated in the way only strenuous exercise can do.

It wasn't the greatest run ever, but for an hour I was able to get my legs and arms moving in something of a rhythm for the first time in a week or so. Sure, there were some sore moments, but it felt good to push through and get a good run/walk in.

It was nice to feel the cool breeze on my face and the sweat rolling down my back. It was good to greet other runners as they came rolling in from the other direction. It was good to have a mild day for running in the dead of winter.

So with any luck, I'll be able to have a long-term goal to be around to run long-term. Sometimes it takes being away from something to remind you how much you like it.

 "Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could."

Louise Erdrich

 

It's Not So Much I Run, But That I Continue

Day 43, Sept. 20, 2012

Today, I am 188.8 pounds of rolling thunder.

But that doesn't really seem to matter so much today. So what?

It's funny how life can change in an instant.

One minute you're a working person defined by the things you do every day at the office or computer terminal. The next day, you're a job seeker grasping onto whatever lifeline the new normal sends you.

And then, there are the days when you get tragic emails. Yesterday was one of those days when one tiny two-sentence message changed everything by jarring you back to the reality of what really matters in life.

This message came from a friend telling us that a young man who we had seen grow from crazy preteen into a quality young man was extremely sick. And while the prognosis is unknown at this point, the reality of how unsettling it is to the teen's life and the lives of those around him stands imminently and abundantly clear.

The note also served to remind me not only how fragile life is but how genuinely nice people can be as they rally around the family. Messages of support and well-wishes have flooded in, and countless people have pledged their support.

It all kind of puts my feeble attempts at being a better runner into the category of so-what.

So what that I struggle to make it over the hills? So what if I'm not as fast as a woman running with her dog? So what if my shoes are old and my shorts aren't from a designer label?

So what?

Today's Runner's World kick in the butt quote comes from runner/writer Hal Higdon who says: "It's not so much that I began to run, but that I continued."

So that's the what? That we continue to embrace each day. That we embrace each mile. That we embrace our friends and families even more so now that we see how quickly things can change in our lives.

Now when you see the world's slowest human out on the street today, just give me a wave and say, so what.

Any Movement Is Good Movement

Day 42, Sept. 19, 2012

 

Today, I'm 188.8 pounds of rolling thunder.

I say, if you can't run, at least walk. 

Several of you have sent me notes telling me they're inspired by this blog but can't run for medical reasons -- knees, hips, shins, etc. All legit reasons, I say. No need to take the needle like a certain football coach in our area might suggest.

My feeling is any moving is good moving, especially if it lifts your heart rate for at least 20 to 30 minutes. And remember, you won't always be able to measure your improvement on a weight scale, sometimes it will come in improved range of motion, clothes fitting better, or just a general feeling of being more fit and having more energy.

Yesterday was another good biorhythm day for me. My breathing and circulation were in sync, and so I ran my entire short route with weights on my hands.

Now a lot of running experts will tell you not to run with weights, and if you try it, you need to listen to your body. Even light weights (1-3) pounds in each hand can throw off your balance; change your stride; affect the muscles in you back, shoulders and arms and a variety of other things.

So just be warned, if you try running or walking with weights, be careful. Start with light weights and work your way up in time, distance and/or weight.

Back in the day, we used to run with ankle weights trapped to our legs to improve our jumping ability, or so the theory goes. I pretty much remained Earth-bound, but you never know, I could touch the rim of a basketball goal and now I'd struggle to reach the net.

Oh, to have those young legs again.

With the temperature dipping as we head into autumn on Saturday the air has become less humid and the running more enjoyable. Whereas a month ago, slogging through 100-degree heat was a labor of running love, today it's enjoyable to get out and enjoy the weather.

My only run/walk/run for the day yesterday was on the first hill, which is more of a warm-up and barometer for how the rest of the day will go. My secret now is to not limit the walking but to limit the duration of the walks so that my overall walk time is lessened.

So today looks like another good day to hit the bricks -- weights or no weights. It's my long day on the streets, so you'll have even more time to wave at the world's slowest human.

Somewhere Babe Ruth Is Smiling

Day 39, Sept. 15-16, 2012

 

Today I'm 192 pounds of rolling thunder.

Baseball legend has it that in the third game of the 1932 World Series, slugger Babe Ruth was at bat in the fifth inning when he pointed his bat at the center field fence and called his shot. On the next pitch, Ruth hit the ball out of the park in the center field area where he had just pointed.

It's the stuff baseball lore is made of. Part truth. Part fabrication. Part magic.

On Saturday, our younger son took on the role of Ruth in his cross country meet. The lad pointed his bat and told us he was going to run a 27-minute 5K.

This is the same youth that wanted to quit three weeks ago. And the same one who came within a whisker of breaking 30 minutes for the 5K a week earlier.

But a jump of nearly three minutes. Not so fast.

Now historians agree that the legend of Ruth's called shot is politely referred to as ambiguous. While the event is caught on film, it remains unclear if Ruth was pointing at center field, the pitcher or a bunch of hecklers on the opposing team's bench.

The result, however, is indisputable. 

Now granted this was going to be the flattest and fastest course of the year, but to make a two to three-minute jump in one meet's time seemed beyond probable.

The day broke cool and overcast, and the racers toed the line at about 9:30 in the morning. The course loops through the grounds several times so we would be able to see the lad's progress as he tried to keep pace.

By the first loop he had fallen back, but was still in reach of the end of the pack. He had gone out faster than normal trying to stay in the slipstream of the pack. 

By the second loop through, he was still within reach of the last of the pack. I looked over at the timer and the pace was indeed fast. But would it be fast enough?

The leaders streamed over the hill and through the crowds to a downhill finish. The crowds formed a chute that resembled a scene out of the Tour de France. Runners had to snake their way through the maze of humanity to find the finish. 

Runners poured over the finish. We had become accustomed to waiting for our lad to plow through, so when the clock ticked 27 minutes I turned a hopeful eye up the hill to see if by some miracle he was defying logic and living up to his pre-race prediction.

Twenty-seven minutes came and went and I resigned myself to the hope that he would go sub-30, which would be a personal best and worth the price of admission.

At 28 minutes, a fluffy-tuft of hair poked up above the crest of the hill and then a familiar gait of a runner started making its way toward the finish. He paused, holding back the urge to vomit (well, sort of). 

I don't know if it was the crowd yelling, or catching a glance at the timer at the finish line, but the lad rolled down to a 28:15 finish. He had called his shot. He had come within an eyelash of hitting that home run and going under 28 minutes.

What started out as a sucker bet had come very close to becoming a reality.

And while the newspapers and websites will talk about the winners of the varsity races and all the personal bests, this was the stuff of cross country legends. Somewhere, Babe Ruth is smiling.

Cool Rain Means Autumn Is Near

Day 37 -- Sept. 13, 2012

Today, I am 190.6 pounds of rolling thunder.

And welcome back autumn.

While the calendar might say we're a week away, somebody forgot to tell the weather man, or Mother Nature, or both.

Just 24 hours ago my rolling mass of middle-aged thunder was running shirtless through the streets in 90-plus degree weather. Not so much today. 

I had to dig out my running tights (OK, I'm a bit of a wimp) and my jacket for today's run. The skies were gray all day and a cool wind whipped the leaves around the street. All morning the clouds threatened to bring rain, but nothing.

As I walked out the door, I saw a humming bird floating around in our front yard. I'm not sure if that's an omen, but between that and finding a dime yesterday out on my run, I figure there's got to be some good luck in there somewhere.

Today was one of those days when you dress for the first few steps out of the door of the house and find yourself sweating like a fiend by the 2-miles stop light. 

It was a good day to run, though. The rain held off and the air was clean with a bit of a snap to it. It was a sharp contrast to recent days when the air has been thick and ozone alerts prevailed.

I did my normal run/walk/run thing without much fanfare. Yesterday, just as I stopped my run the strap on my hand weights snapped. Two weeks old and snap. Guess there's a trip to the sporting goods store in my near future. Just hoping I don't need a receipt.

But I digress. Today was a good run, followed by 10 minutes on the bike to get things loosened up.

Finally, the rain came in the afternoon, and I was glad to be off the street. It started as a sprinkle I noticed on the skylight in the shower and by the time I ran an errand it was a steady rain on a cool day.

Autumn can't be far away now.

So give me a wave the next time you see the world's slowest man out on the streets.

9/11: Can You Believe It's 11 Years Later?

Day 35 -- Sept. 11, 2012

Today, I'm 193.4 pounds of rolling thunder.

Eleven years ago, the world for most Americans changed dramatically.

Until then, most people went about their lives not giving much notice or concern to national security.

Sept. 11, 2001 changed all that. Suddenly everything was different, and an era of innocence was lost.

A lot of people spent today remembering the tragedy of 11 years ago when terrorists attacked the United States. I heard a lot of people recalling what they were doing when they heard the news that a plane had flown into one of the towers of the World Trade Center in New York.

I remember it exactly because of the selfish thought I had at the time. I had just turned on the road that led to my job when the radio said a plane had crashed into one of the towers.

At the time, it was my job to figure out what image would go on the front page of the next day's newspaper. I remember thinking how over the years small planes had accidentally hit building such as the Empire State Building. What the radio news account did not include was the fact that it was a major airliner and the tower was on fire.

Shortly after I made it to the office the second tower was hit. Then the Pentagon. And you could see the look of panic start to set in in a newsroom filled with journalists who had faced the toughest of stories without flinching, but this was something unknown.

At the time, we had no idea the scope of the attacks. Because the attacks came on so many fronts, we began fearing for our own lives and the lives of our families.

By 9:20 the decision was made to put out an afternoon extra edition. By 11 a.m. the edition rolled off the presses, and we had begun a news cycle that wouldn't end for at least 48 more hours. 

One of the most heartening stories I remember from the tragedy came weeks later when school children in South Carolina raised money to replace a fire engine from Red Hook in New York that had been destroyed when the towers fell. 

The effort was payback from a post-Civil War gesture that came from New Yorkers who replaced a fire engine for the city of Columbia, S.C.

A fire truck is no cheap purchase, so you can imagine how many pennies and dimes the kids had to raise to buy the truck. But with lots of help, they bought the truck and went to New York to be in a parade.

Today's run was great because I still have the freedom to ramble about. Although times aren't nearly so innocent, we still have freedoms that other nations can only dream of. 

So enjoy the day. And if you see the world's slowest human out on the road, give me a wave.

Dad's Runnin' On Empty

 

Day 32-33 -- Sept. 8&9

Today, I'm 193.4 pounds of rolling thunder.

Probably more like rolling Jell-O. But rolling is the operative word.

Yesterday was a sandwich fun, meaning I had to sandwich 45 minutes on the road between two halves of my work day. 

The sandwich part was the difficult part. The hard part was getting going on about five hours of sleep. Nothing like having zero in the tank when you head out on the road.

So just how did I end up on the wrong end of the gas gauge before my run? Simple math. You add a work day that ended after midnight with an early morning drop-off for our ambitious cross country runners and the result is dad running on empty.

 But that's OK. It was a fantastic day for cross country racing. The day broke cool after a cold front pushed through the area and dropped some needed rain on Friday afternoon.

The skies were clear on race day and by starting time the temperatures were mild with a light breeze. The undulating hills of the Topeka West course would provide a nice challenge.

We came to the event with two thoughts in mind. One, how fast could our older son go? And second, could we coax a sub-30-minute 5K out our younger son who seemed to have a running resurgence after nearly quitting the team earlier in the week.

In the end, it was a good day all around. The older lad made his run in less than 20 minutes for the first time this season, and he earned a cross country medal for the first time in his career. It was a great effort. You can tell he's stronger than a year ago when such a feat would have left him nearly passing out at the finish line.

Perhaps our biggest concern on the day was how our younger son would fare after pulling out of his last race and nearly quitting the team. 

But our concerns, at least on this day, were unfounded. He ran a personal best and came within six seconds of going under 30 seconds. In case anyone is wondering, that's a 9:41 mile pace, which may not be blistering, but as the world's slowest human I can greatly appreciate the effort and applaud him for getting back on his competitive horse and running the race.

Next week's race is on an even faster track where many people set their personal bests. With another week of good training and more fine weather for race day, who knows? Knowing it's a fast track and he's on the brink of a personal running milestone should give him some added motivation to do well.

As for me, I'm still the world's slowest human, just a little more fatigued than normal. So if you see me plodding along at an even slower than normal pace, give me a wave.