No Business Like Snow Business

Today I am 192.6 pounds of rolling thunder.

So if orange is indeed the new black, then to me snow is the new sand. Not that I have ever run any distance through sand, but I've been told it is great exercise and builds up your calves while reducing the pounding that your legs take.

Well, Mother Nature or Old Man Winter have provided us with a couple of good snowfalls already this year, so I figured why not just go with and run through the snow. Taking to the roads when it's snowy and icy out can be a little iffy and the drivers, especially at night when I have time to run, can be a bit chippy, and so it is that I have elected to run on snow-packed sidewalks.

Maybe it's just because I'm the world's slowest human and have come to running late in the game, but I find running through snow kind of fun and definitely challenging. And while sand and it's associated warmer weather might be preferable, a runner's got to do what a runner's got to do so why not just go with it and enjoy the ride?

I can definitely tell when I've spent most or part of my running session traveling through the snow. In a way it's like running with squishy lead boots strapped to your legs. I find it even more challenging when the sidewalks are impassible and I have to take to the snow-covered grass alongside the sidewalk.

Plus, it's just fun to do something different to break up the monotony of running on all-too-familiar streets. Slippery? Yes. Challenging? Definitely. But even if I have to cut short my run because of cold or dark conditions I find 45 minutes outside goes by immensely faster than pound out the minutes on my Nordic Trak or sitting on the seat of a stationary bike.

So what if your new running shoes get a little wet. Heck, you bought them to run in, right? They'll dry out. And if it's that big of a deal, dig out an old pair from the back of the closet. Just get out there and enjoy the run.

So here's the deal, if you see the world's slowest human out there slogging through the snow with big dumb grin on his face, give me a wave. Welcome to the joy ride.

Merry Christmas to Me!

Today I am 193.8 pounds of rolling thunder -- a month ago (forgive me readers for I have neglected you) I was 189.0 pounds of rolling thunder.

It's been a while since we've gotten together to talk about the joys and pitfalls of being a runner, and much has changed during that time. Obviously, there is more rolling thunder of me to go around, which I attribute to the freezing cold and my body's primordial desire to add a fat layer so as not to freeze to death over the winter.

At least that's the tale I tell myself as I struggle to answer why I keep an extra 5 pounds on my frame during the winter months, which sounds a whole lot better than the truth which is the cold and darkness reduce my running time by about 20 percent these days, and I often opt for indoor workouts that require less energy.

Perhaps the biggest change is the fact that I have now given in and purchased running shoes that cost me just short of the national debt. Yes, if paying out the nose for running shoes qualifies one as a "runner" than I should be on the brink of world class.

I've always wanted to go to one of those fancy running shoe stores to have an "expert" fitter look at my gait and watch to see if I was an under or over pronater but the lure of cheaper sporting goods store shoes always drew me in and kept me away.

This time, my mind was made up. I had made the laps at all the big box sales places and had even narrowed my choices down somewhat. But then, there I was at the mall with the running store. And then, there I was in stocking feet walking around a small oval so a stranger could watch me and analyze my steps.

The next thing I knew, I was surrounded by boxes filled with shoes baring all sorts of exotic names. Heck, the names alone made me feel like a runner -- or a cheetah.

My quick trip to the mall went from a mere 30 minutes to more than an hour as I slipped on countless shoes. First the left foot and then the right. Matched pairs. Mixed pairs. How does that feel? My, that toe box feels comfy. Plantar fasciitis would rule me no more.

Finally, it was down to two shoes. Yes, I could run in either of these. And the salesman was kind enough to correct me when I opined that I was a heavy runner. Really, there was no choice. One shoe was truly the most comfy, but then there it was. How about that model, I asked.

There it was. The holy grail of running shoes. The one in the big ad in a runner's magazine.

Why there was a pair in the back that was just my size. The minute those babies hit my feet it was a match made in running heaven. Price tags be damned. I was a runner. These shoes were going home with me.

And yes, they've been a great buy, but I'm still not going to break any land speed records. But oh do my feet and joints feel better. Merry Christmas to me.

It's Not Always About How Fast You Go

 Today I am 186.8 pounds of rolling thunder.

Sometimes it's amazing how different two siblings can be.

Take for example my two sons. Last weekend we went to the final cross country meet of the high school season. The day was crisp and clear and the track was rolling and wet from showers the evening before the race.

A year ago, we were at the same race and both boys were running. Over the course of four years our older son willed himself to become a runner with respectable times. His form was never textbook, but he was so determined to decrease his time that how he ran the race really never mattered much.

Son No.2 is cut from different cloth. He's out there giving it his all but times don't matter nearly as much. But that's OK. As parents, we're all about the exercise and camaraderie that comes with being involved in a team sport like cross country. Our only rules are you start -- you finish.

So on this fine October day we took our normal places alongside the course and watched as the runners went by. In many ways there is nothing better than watching athletes run around a beautiful course that is adorned by the colorful changing of the leaves.

Son No.2 kept his normal choppy plodding pace around the course. He made it through the finish line at a trot and then headed off to gather up his gear for the ride home.

Sure, his times could be faster. But you know what, he's still well ahead of me, the world's slowest human. But I know we both benefit from being out there moving our bodies.

So the next time you see the world's slowest human plodding along some roadside, give me a wave!

Sometimes you've got to take the bad with the good

Today I am 190.2 pounds of rolling thunder.

Sometimes my back and I have serious disagreements. Other times, we just hold discussions on how the day is going to go. Usually, the issues are more a matter of discussion than serious disagreement.

So today things are a little balky. I should have seen it coming, but the week of running had gone so well it was hard to imagine things would end this way.

It was a good week of running. I made my usual 5- and 6-mile loops without any walking. In fact, I was able to climb all the hills without so much as one walked step. I was also able to accelerate just a bit on a few of the climbs, which normally does not happen.

But yesterday, the wheels started coming off. I wanted to do a timed 3 miles to see if I had made any progress, but just a few strides into my first hill climb I knew it wasn't to be. The strength in my legs and lungs just was not there.

I walked and ran up the first half-mile hill, stretched and then hit the road. I slogged through a mile in pretty good time, but when I made the turn, I decided to shut things down. This dog would live to fight another day.

But that day won't be today. Balky back and I are in negotiations. Tylenol and other meds are involved. Hopefully it's just a discussion and not a serious disagreement.

Wish me luck!

Every Dog Has His Day

Today I am 194.0 pounds of rolling thunder.

It's been a long, long time since I've had a day like today while I was out running. Seldom are my lungs, legs and body all in agreement and we can move forward without one or a couple of them disagreeing with the process, which means more walking and less running.

But today something was different. For the first time in forever I was able to scale the three peaks -- OK, large rises -- that are on my 6-mile loop without walking. In fact, except for a couple of very brief stoplight breaks, I was on the move running for all of the loop without taking a walking break.

Maybe it was the cooler weather. The temperature was down about 10 degrees but still warm enough to run without a shirt. And the humidity was normal for this time of year.

Maybe it was the day off I had yesterday from running because I pulled a double shift and worked from 8 a.m. until after midnight. The old fresh legs theory at work, obviously.

Or maybe, I'm finally getting into some sort of running shape. The fact is, my last three runs have been fairly good. I've noticed an increased ability to run up hills and to extend to longer distances. On Sunday I ran a timed 3 miles, and while the time was embarrassingly slow, the promising part is I did it with wrist weights on and didn't have to walk at all.

So I'll take small victories where I can get them!

I'm sure as the world's slowest runner it won't be long and the hills will be calling my name again But for one day, I made the loop without a stop, and I'll take that to the bank.

Good luck my fellow runners. Be safe. Pray for some rain. And give me a wave if you see the world's slowest runner out on the streets.

Summer Running: The Heat is On

Today I am 190.0 pounds of rolling thunder.

The heat is on, and the running has gotten gritty. I have to say, however, I like running in the heat much more than battling the cold. I don't know about the rest of you, but bundling up in layers and then peeling them all off after an hour or so of running in the freezing cold is not my favorite thing.

Another big plus to running in the warm weather is the fact that I seem to be finding my wind again. Last week, I even climbed my arch nemesis big hill without stopping and it felt good.

Now I'm still the same walking and running wimp that has to take periodic walking breaks, but recently I've made my normal circuits with far fewer and far shorter walking breaks. I'll probably never not have to allow for some degree of walking, but it feels great when I can fight up over the bumps I call hills without slowing to a stroll.

The other change in my formula this summer has been to cut out sodas. That's right. No more Cokes, or colas or pop. Man, as a person addicted to that knockout punch of caffeine, this has been a tough one.

But I've noticed some changes. My weight is down (a little) and my endurance is up. I don't feel those tremendous energy swings that I did while on the sauce.

So the heat is on, and the soda is off. Hopefully I'll catch some of you out on the road in the near future. Remember, if you see the world's slowest human out there pounding the pavement, give me a wave as you run on by.

It's Not About the Stuff!

Today I am 193.4 pounds of rolling thunder.

TV financial guru Dave Ramsey says the world will tell you that you need stuff to be a somebody -- don't listen.

The same holds true for being a runner. While everyone around you is talking about special shorts, socks, GU's, sports drinks and GPS watches, the truth is, if you've got a good pair of shoes and the desire to get moving, that's just about all you need to be a runner.

Sometime in the past few weeks Mother Nature has gone from the goddess who brought us a mild, rainy spring to an angry deity that has filled the air with humidity and pollen while spiking temperatures above 90 degrees.

Now, as you know, I'm not a great runner to begin with, but when conditions turn hot, the world's slowest human gets even slower. I walk more and probably log less distance. But you know what? It doesn't take a lot of stuff.

I grab my running shorts and shoes and head out the door as often as I can. Heck, sometimes I even throw on a shirt. My apologies to those of you who are offended by the jiggle of my extra 20 pounds, but at least I'm trying to get things under control. I'm told the weight-loss part will follow, so stay tuned for that.

Running doesn't have to be about the stuff. Not the GPS wrist watches, the special belts filled with water bottles or even the exotic running locations. It's about getting up and moving and being in the moment. It's about embracing the pain of the run and enjoying a cookie or a brownie without guilt when you're done with your exercise, regardless of how fast or slow you might be.

I believe Dave's right on this one -- as he is on so many things. It's not about the stuff, it's about the stuff inside of you that makes you a runner, so get off the couch, get moving and don't listen to others.

Smile -- Even When Your Run Slowly

June 8, 2013

Today I am 194.8 pounds of rolling thunder.

I smiled this week when I rolled through the slowest 3 miles I've ever recorded. I'm sure my time, which was just north of 40 minutes, wasn't the slowest I've ever run, but it's the slowest I've gotten an official time for.

I smiled because it was the first time in weeks that I didn't stop to walk. I rolled up and down the neighborhood hills without taking a walking break. I also hit all five stop lights along the familiar loop at just the right time, so there was no standing or jogging in place, just pure running.

And although my time was really slow -- maintaining my hold on my ranking as the world's slowest human -- it was good to know that I could still get around the course without taking a walking break. Now, would I like to be able to do more? Who wouldn't?

I'm convinced that you lay down muscle memory as a kid, and that helps you in later life. I wasn't a distance runner as a youngster, so I skipped that portion of my training life. At that time I'd rather sprint than jog, and the thought of running mile after mile for no good reason seemed really boring -- really, really boring.

At least that's my excuse for being the world's slowest human. That and an extra 20 pounds that I'd love to loan some other carbohydrate-sucking mammal as I strive to make myself healthier and just a little bit faster.

But for now, being able to do the neighborhood loop without a stop is pretty good. And a couple of days later I did it again -- OK, this time I walked five steps and hit one light on red and had to jog in place. But my time went south of 40, and hopefully I can keep rolling over all the hills.

Who knows, it's been a while since I've seen 35 minutes, but maybe it will be in me at some point. The main thing I hope is that I can keep enjoying my run and limit the amount of walking that I do.

So if you see the world's slowest runner out walking, give me a wave, it will remind me to get my wheels moving again.