Monday, March 18, 2013

Spring Break: I'm Headed to Colon-Cleansing Paradise

March 18, 2013
Today spring break started in earnest, and I haven't the foggiest notion how many pounds of rolling thunder I am. Just rest assured I'm still over the 190-pound mark.

But things they could be a changing come Friday. Well, temporarily change as I get to go for the dreaded colonoscopy, which I have been assured by countless friends, relatives and total strangers on the Internet that the prep is, in fact, worse than the test.

On Thursday I get to start taking something called MoviPrep to get ready for the test. Humorist Dave Barry described this substance as a "nuclear laxative" that tastes like "like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon."

Friends have told me that you pass things out of your system that you ate for lunch in the third grade.

Ah so much to look forward to on spring break.

But you know what? I'd rather be safe than sorry. So it's a little inconvenient for a day or two. I'm sure my tune will be different as I go through the process, but you reach the age and you've got to buck up and do the dance.

Besides, you won't be missing the world's slowest human. Weather permitting, I'm still getting out there.

Today was no great run. After a couple of days off, it was all about moving and less about how far or how fast. But that's OK. At least it was out on the road and not down on the stationary bike.

So this week will be all about getting mentally and physically prepped for the big test. Just what I know I wanted to be doing on spring break. How about you?

At this point all I can say is if you see the world's slowest human out running, wave twice because I'm headed to colon-cleansing paradise.

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