7 Habits of all Mediocre Runners

Feb. 15, 2013

I trust you all survived Valentine's Day, and I am assured that any candy, cake or other treat eaten standing up has no calories.

So I got this blog post in my email box today, or was in posted on LinkedIn? Either way, LMAO funny.

The title is "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective MediocrePeople," and it didn't take long to figure out that these are the same highly practiced habits of most of the runners I know. 

Now with a tip of the hat to author By James Altucher who penned this blog, I have to admit he's nailed most of us runners right on the head with his blog post.

1. Procrastinate - Runners and couch slugs alike can appreciate this one. Why go out for a run when there's an "NCIS" marathon airing on the USA Network? That Tony, he's always mixing things up with Zeva. And are you a Kate person of a Zeva person.

I think there's even a Gibb's rule that requires procrastination.

2. Zero Task - Let's not confuse zero-tasking with no-tasking. Everyone these days is tied up in the multitasking craze. Who just runs anymore when you can run, chase yourself on Zombie Run on your smart phone, follow along your wrist-mounted GPS and listen to your iPod?

I say get back to either one- or two tasking. Run. Or run and listen to some music. Enough with making your relaxation time into a rolling office party. There will be time enough for all those things.

3. Fail - Gosh, if you read enough issues of Runner's World you figure almost everyone who laces up shoes runs a marathon and a good portion of those are Boston qualifiers.

I think we all learn a lot through failure, although most coaches will tell you there's nothing to be gained by his or her team falling down. Sometimes I fail because I just can't get up and out the door to get my running time in.

4. Be Unoriginal - I think runners and bikers are all creatures of habit. We like our traditional loops and routes. We enjoy knowing when the hard work is coming up or the long-steady hill is just around the corner. So on the originality scale we rank pretty low.

5. Exercise Poor Networking Skills - Hey, you want to run on Tuesday after work. Sure. I'll email you. And yet, the email never comes. How many times has that happened to you?

6. Do Anything To Get a Yes - Guilt is my primary motivator to get a yes out of myself when it comes to running. Let's say it's a Saturday afternoon and you’re driving down the street and the sun is shining brightly as you see smiling runners pass by.

The guilt gremlin will not take no for an answer, so you cave on your rest day and are back out on the road passing by other people in cars who are on their "off" days.

7. Be A Poor Judge Of People- I do most of my running on my own, so this one doesn't apply very often, although I have to say I am far too trusting of motorists. My rule of thumb is that our neighborhood is filled with old people who can't see runners and bikers and young drivers who don't want to see runners and bikers.

Cellphone talkers are the worst. I truly believe these devices are the spawn of the great Satan when it comes to motorists. Drivers just can't seem to put down their phones to control their 2,000-pound automobiles.

Maybe it makes me a good judge of poorly behaved people, but I always make contact with motorists at intersections and when crossing a street. 

Well, here's to running mediocrity at its best. When you're the world's slowest human it is, after all, all about failing to meet expectations.

Run, but don't forget to bring home chocolate

Monkeys Made of Sockies

Feb. 14, 2013 -- Happy Valentine's Day

Today I am 195.2 pounds of loveable rolling thunder.

I usually caution my children not to use Wikipedia as a reliable source for their research, but what the heck, it's Valentine's Day, and I need to make some time for a run.

Our friends at Wikipedia who have chosen to enlighten us on the topic say that St. Valentine's Day owes its origins to a liturgical celebration of one or more early Christian saints named Valentinus. Hmmm. One or more, eh?

So they go on to say that the favorite story of martyrology involving the saint claims that he was imprisoned for performing weddings for soldiers who were not allow to marry, and, of course, ministering to Christians.

So how did we get to the chocolate-covered greeting card high holy day that we now celebrate? The Wikis tell us that the holiday was first associated with romantic love in the High Middle Ages in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer. Dang, I knew I should have paid more attention in Lit class in high school.

Sending flowers, cards and of course candy on this day goes back to the 15th century, so Wikipedia tells us. And the handwritten sentiments gave way to mass-produced cards by the 1800s. Soon to give way to the Billy Bass Christmas singing mounted fish, I'm sure (Wikipedia didn't have that; I'm just adding my own facts for dramatic effect).

So what does this all have to do with running? Squat.

But I figured if you were going to sneak in a run after work and before dinner with your sweetheart, you better come bearing the facts about the holiday while you suffer the grief of leaving her or him alone for an hour.

 I say enjoy the day. It looks like another fine one for running. And with any luck, you'll see the world's slowest human out there with you, so give me a wave ... and don't forget to bring home the chocolate.

How Many Calories Do You Burn Getting The Runaround?

Feb. 8, 2013

Today I'm 197-some pounds of rolling thunder.

Not surprisingly I'm up a few pounds, since I haven't been able to run, walk or ride for two days, and it's driving me batty. If you could stay fit running in the rat race I'd be fit as a fiddle.

Unfortunately, I've been letting the have-to-does get in the way of the want-to-does and the result is two days of no running, jumping or playing around.

Being a freelance editor and writer it affords you some great opportunities to get your daily runs in. There are days when an hour at lunch for a spin around the neighborhood puts you right back in the mood to get back on the keyboard and pound out some stories.

But it can also put you on some really odd schedules because normally when someone needs help, it is to fill a shift that usually starts late and ends early -- as in 2 a.m. The result is that when you have time, the energy and desire just aren't there. Or when you've got the energy, duty calls and believe it or not, I'd rather eat than run. I'm just funny that way.

Sometimes the rat race just turns into a run around. Today I went to pick up a prescription only to be told my new insurance hadn't kicked in. OK, this was a day after my doctor had to call in a new script and the pharmacy had accepted my insurance information.

If only this kind of runaround burned calories instead of burning my backside. So I went home, called the provider and got forwarded three times to some very friendly if not a bit unhelpful people. Finally, I was put on hold for 20 minutes and then the dreaded "click" and I had lost the person who was helping me.

At this point I called my local agent and left a message (rats are winning). Then I started calling the numbers I thought might work. Only one transfer later I had a somewhat helpful person who told me she entered me into the system.

Huzzah! I can run to the pharmacy, right?

Not so fast, the woman said in a cheery voice. This can take up to 72 hours to kick in. 

I could feel the runaround calories burning. I had been going through the application process for nearly three weeks. Had account numbers and all sorts of confirmation material, but I'd need to wait for my necessary prescriptions for three days?

I started thinking I would have been better off running to the pharmacy on foot. At least then the runaround would have burned some real calories.

Well if you see the world's slowest human out on the roads looking fat, dumb and not so happy, give me a wave.

'The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook.'

McDavid

Feb. 4, 2013

Well, we're a month into the new year and all those resolutions have worn off for almost everybody I know. If you are the exception to the rule, take an atta-boy out of petty cash and have yourself a party, it's on me.

Today I am 194.8 pounds of rolling thunder. On Jan. 4, I was 194.0 pounds of rolling thunder. And in the meantime I have been as low as 190 and as high as 196 pounds of rolling thunder.

While some people might accuse me of limp-syncing my entire January workout regimen, I can assure you that it was actually me out there pounding out the miles on the road. But it was also me pounding down the carbs and cookies, which are my greatest nemesis.

Now my excuses usually begin, but certainly don't end, with the fact that I come from a long line of pear-shaped German people who love their carbs in every form, but especially cookies. You combine that with a dread of all things green and it's a recipe for a weight-loss plateau like no other.

While it would be nice to look and feel like those super athletes on TV, the fact is, we're learning most of them have some sort of chemical helper that assists them in looking that way and achieving miraculous physical feats.

William James

Today's inspirational quote comes from American philosopher William James.

"The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook."

How true this all is in our daily lives. How many times have any of us wasted the energy of going down a path of worry only to find out later that it wasn't worth the stress and anxiety that we had put on ourselves?

Or like the line from ""Peggy Sue Got Married" where Peggy Sue says, "Well, Mr Snelgrove, I happen to know that in the future I will not have the slightest use for algebra, and I speak from experience"

But we're not movie characters, and the plots of our lives can't be wrapped up in a 90-minute story complete with a happy ending. So that is why I pound the pavement and run, walk or ride whenever I can.

While I might be the world's slowest human, I know my health is not something to overlook. But at the same time, I think minor fluctuations in weight can definitely be overlooked as long as you're at a healthy weight and you're moving every day.

So my advice, be your own philosopher and dictate your own fate for the day. Run, ride, roll or walk but do something active. It will make you feel better, New Year's resolutions be damned.

Sometimes You Just Need a Day Off

Happy Groundhog Day!

Feb. 1, 2013

“For me, a day without running is like a day without eating. It's like going without food.”

Samuel Bueno, Runner's World Challenger of the Week

OK, Sammy, pass the plate I’m hungry.

Yesterday turned out to be an unexpected rest day. Yep, took the whole day off. Didn’t run. Didn’t walk. Didn’t spin. Didn’t pass go and collect $200.

So I guess it was a day without eating. Well I really did eat, but I didn’t feel good about it.

If I miss a day or two of working out it makes me kind of cranky. I need that feeling of getting my heart rate elevated and sweat pouring down my brow. I need to know that I’ve done something healthy for my body.

But experts tell us rest days are good. They help your body heal and keep you mentally fresh.

Yesterday’s was totally unplanned. I’d been working a 5 p.m. to 2 a.m. shift for a couple of days, so my body was telling me sleep might be nice. Plus 10-degree weather and gusty winds gave me every excuse to stay in and be warm.

But it didn’t give me an excuse to not go down and ride the bike. Indoor riding is great cross-training. It works many of the muscle groups that are used in running as well as others that you don’t hit while you’re out pounding the pavement.

But indoor riding can become tedious if you’re not in the right frame of mind. There are times when I’ll just power through by flipping on the TV and riding for 45 minutes or an hour.

Yesterday, however, I did not eat. I didn’t run, I rested. I let my mind and body catch up – at least that’s how I’m getting past the guilt.

When I opened my eyes today, the TV weatherman said it was 9 degrees outside. But I’m ready to eat. I’m going to dine on the food provided by my stationary bike and hope that tomorrow brings warmer temps.

Be safe out there today if you brave the cold.