A Wave Doesn't Give Motorists the Right of Way

Today I am 189.0 pounds of rolling thunder.

Hey, yah, I see you there driving down the street about to make a left turn. Hello, yes, I like that you waved at me. But that doesn’t mean you can ignore the rules of the road and turn on top of a pedestrian crossing the street.

I’ve never classified myself as a runner. I don’t fall into the trap of “I run, therefore I am a runner.” In my mind’s eye I see runners as those super-slim, negative body fat athletes that adorn the pages of running and fitness magazines. Certainly the world’s slowest human does not fall into the category of super slim or negative body fat.

But that doesn’t mean the rules of the road don’t apply to we lowly humans who run, but don’t consider ourselves runners. Over the years I’ve ridden my bicycle for tens of thousands of hours on city streets so I’m pretty familiar with the fact that most motorists are blind to anyone or anything that doesn’t involve a metal cage surrounding its human driver.

I’ve often commented that my community has the two things that are most dangerous to bicyclists (and runners, by extension): Elderly drivers who can’t see you and teen drivers who don’t want to see you. You can now add in texting drivers who are too busy typing with their thumbs to see you.

I’ve been hit twice while out riding my bike, and both times the drivers were at fault. The first was a little clip of my back wheel by a driver who said he didn’t see me and proceeded to make a left turn on top of me. The second was quite a crash. The driver pulled out from a stop sign in front of my bike. With no stop sign I had the right of way, but again the driver said he didn’t see me, which was little consolation when I hit the car’s fender, flipped over my handlebars and landed smack in the middle of the windshield before bouncing onto the street.

So whenever I run or ride these days I consider myself invisible to motorists, who either can’t see me, don’t want to see me, or are too busy to see me. And while it might slow the process down a bit, it keeps me safe (sort of). To me the tradeoff you get from exercise is worth the risk taken to be out in the sunshine and fresh air.

When it comes to running or riding, cars will always win, so I try to error on the side of caution especially when I see that a driver is fixed on looking at oncoming traffic in another direction and not making sure that the intersection is clear of pedestrians coming from their blindside.

But I do have to repeat my little whine for the day. If you’re in a car making a left turn and you see a pedestrian in the walkway or about to cross the road while you’re rushing to beat traffic, a wave doesn’t give you the right of way to make that turn. Remember your driver’s education days, pedestrians always have the right of way.

To my fellow people who run, be safe out there and enjoy the day.

Celebrate Pi Day With Pie

March 15, 2013

Today I am 192.2 pounds of rolling thunder.

Anybody else miss it? You know what I'm talking about. Come on, it was yesterday.

You want a hint? Think about it, March 14. Come on, I'm almost giving it away.

Yes yesterday was Pi Day. You know, 3.14 -- the 2013 is just a throw in.

Pi Day is celebrated annually on March 14 around the world as a tribute to the Greek letter Pi, which in mathematics is the ration of the circumference of a circle to its diameter. Or if my memory serves correct, 22/7ths or 3.14159.

Experts say that Pi has been calculated to over 1 trillion digits beyond the decimal point, but as far as we know you could go on forever without finding a repetition or pattern.

Not to be confused with Mole Day, which is celebrated from 6:02 a.m. to 6:02 p.m. on 10.23 and celebrates Avogadro's Number, which is a basic measure in chemistry. And in case you weren't awake for this in high school chemistry class, just be warned that your children will need to be at school early on October 23 for Mole Day.

So what does Pi Day have to do with running? Very little, unless you're calculating the fat rolls that jiggle off my cellulite-friendly midsection, then it has everything to do with running. Pi, moles, whatever you pick, I've got it in quantum amounts.

Man does warm weather really help the soul when it comes to running. For the first time in weeks I was able to get out and run without donning multiple layers of shorts, t-shirts, sweats, jackets and caps to keep warm.

In late winter, 60 might as well be the new 80. Everyone was out running in shorts, including the world's slowest human, who struggled but made a nice run/walk over five miles.

While it wasn't a thing of beauty, if I would have remember it, I would have rewarded my run with some pie, in honor of Pi Day.

Hills I've Got; Sprinter's Legs, Not So Much

March 11, 2013


Today I am 194.8 pounds of rolling thunder.


Good golly man, when will this winter weather ever be over?!?


Running was a labor of love the last two days as Old Man Winter tried his best to keep an icy death grip on the area. In the morning on both days I had convinced myself that it was going to be an inside workout day. But then, you know, those little voices remind you that going outside is much more fun and beneficial than staring into the abyss while riding a stationary bike.


So out I went. And you know what, the little voices were right. After the first 10 minutes or so, the biting cold lost its sting, and it was a great day to be outside.


I decided this spring to mix up my workouts a bit. Now I'm a huge slave to my routine. I run the same routes. I go the same speed. I expect miracle results. Some say that's the definition of insanity, and they may be right.


So I decided to shake it up a bit today and do some sprinting and hill work. Hills I've got. Sprinters legs and lungs, not so much. 


But how are you going to get those kinds of lungs and legs if you don't shake things up? So after a brief warm-up, I tried my first uphill sprint. I had read that I should start with a one-minute sprint, but mine probably lasted all of 20 seconds before both lungs and legs gave out -- and that was my long sprint.


I did manage to follow up with a series of uphill sprints of varying lengths and intervals. And I mixed in a few downhill sprints on the road home just for good measure.


Between the cold and the change of pace, it made for a different kind of workout. Hopefully, this will jump start my spring workouts. Either way, if you see the world's slowest human trying to sprint, give me a wave.
 

No Business Like Snow Business

Feb. 22, 2013

Today I am 194.4 pounds of rolling thunder.

I've got to say that it was a day better suited for mushers in the Iditarod dogsled race than stomping around my neighborhood, but riding that stationary bike in the basement was getting pretty darn old.

Besides, somebody once said that if you wait for perfect conditions, you'll never get anything done -- at least nothing worthwhile. So I bundled up and took advantage of a snowy but otherwise sunny day.

Unfortunately, my excitement to get back out on the road was not met with the same vigor by homeowners who were yet to clear the 12 inches of snow off their sidewalks, or the additional pileups provided by the snowplows who had swept the roads relatively clean.

Overwhelmed by the promise from sunny skies and light winds, I decided to chance it and get back out on the streets, only this time it literally was the streets because hardly any sidewalks were visible, let alone navigable. So I ran in the road, which normally I don't like doing, but stuck closely to the side of the lane facing traffic.

It was nice getting back out in the open, even if it met mixing it up with people trapped inside those motorized metal boxes. Most were polite and gave me a wide path, even quite often changing lanes to make way for the world's slowest human.

And while it wasn't a great run -- I could feel those tight muscles in my back, drawn taut like piano wire by two days of snow shoveling -- it was a good run. So good, in fact, that I didn't beat myself up over my periodic bouts of walking.

There's definitely no business like snow business, and if you wait for the perfect day in the winter to go for a run, walk or ride, you'll be well into March or April before you get outside. Sometimes, you've just got to put on your boots and make do.

So if you see me out on the snowy roads -- thank you Storm Q -- just give me a wave and wide berth if I'm running in the streets again.

7 Habits of all Mediocre Runners

Feb. 15, 2013

I trust you all survived Valentine's Day, and I am assured that any candy, cake or other treat eaten standing up has no calories.

So I got this blog post in my email box today, or was in posted on LinkedIn? Either way, LMAO funny.

The title is "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective MediocrePeople," and it didn't take long to figure out that these are the same highly practiced habits of most of the runners I know. 

Now with a tip of the hat to author By James Altucher who penned this blog, I have to admit he's nailed most of us runners right on the head with his blog post.

1. Procrastinate - Runners and couch slugs alike can appreciate this one. Why go out for a run when there's an "NCIS" marathon airing on the USA Network? That Tony, he's always mixing things up with Zeva. And are you a Kate person of a Zeva person.

I think there's even a Gibb's rule that requires procrastination.

2. Zero Task - Let's not confuse zero-tasking with no-tasking. Everyone these days is tied up in the multitasking craze. Who just runs anymore when you can run, chase yourself on Zombie Run on your smart phone, follow along your wrist-mounted GPS and listen to your iPod?

I say get back to either one- or two tasking. Run. Or run and listen to some music. Enough with making your relaxation time into a rolling office party. There will be time enough for all those things.

3. Fail - Gosh, if you read enough issues of Runner's World you figure almost everyone who laces up shoes runs a marathon and a good portion of those are Boston qualifiers.

I think we all learn a lot through failure, although most coaches will tell you there's nothing to be gained by his or her team falling down. Sometimes I fail because I just can't get up and out the door to get my running time in.

4. Be Unoriginal - I think runners and bikers are all creatures of habit. We like our traditional loops and routes. We enjoy knowing when the hard work is coming up or the long-steady hill is just around the corner. So on the originality scale we rank pretty low.

5. Exercise Poor Networking Skills - Hey, you want to run on Tuesday after work. Sure. I'll email you. And yet, the email never comes. How many times has that happened to you?

6. Do Anything To Get a Yes - Guilt is my primary motivator to get a yes out of myself when it comes to running. Let's say it's a Saturday afternoon and you’re driving down the street and the sun is shining brightly as you see smiling runners pass by.

The guilt gremlin will not take no for an answer, so you cave on your rest day and are back out on the road passing by other people in cars who are on their "off" days.

7. Be A Poor Judge Of People- I do most of my running on my own, so this one doesn't apply very often, although I have to say I am far too trusting of motorists. My rule of thumb is that our neighborhood is filled with old people who can't see runners and bikers and young drivers who don't want to see runners and bikers.

Cellphone talkers are the worst. I truly believe these devices are the spawn of the great Satan when it comes to motorists. Drivers just can't seem to put down their phones to control their 2,000-pound automobiles.

Maybe it makes me a good judge of poorly behaved people, but I always make contact with motorists at intersections and when crossing a street. 

Well, here's to running mediocrity at its best. When you're the world's slowest human it is, after all, all about failing to meet expectations.

How Many Calories Do You Burn Getting The Runaround?

Feb. 8, 2013

Today I'm 197-some pounds of rolling thunder.

Not surprisingly I'm up a few pounds, since I haven't been able to run, walk or ride for two days, and it's driving me batty. If you could stay fit running in the rat race I'd be fit as a fiddle.

Unfortunately, I've been letting the have-to-does get in the way of the want-to-does and the result is two days of no running, jumping or playing around.

Being a freelance editor and writer it affords you some great opportunities to get your daily runs in. There are days when an hour at lunch for a spin around the neighborhood puts you right back in the mood to get back on the keyboard and pound out some stories.

But it can also put you on some really odd schedules because normally when someone needs help, it is to fill a shift that usually starts late and ends early -- as in 2 a.m. The result is that when you have time, the energy and desire just aren't there. Or when you've got the energy, duty calls and believe it or not, I'd rather eat than run. I'm just funny that way.

Sometimes the rat race just turns into a run around. Today I went to pick up a prescription only to be told my new insurance hadn't kicked in. OK, this was a day after my doctor had to call in a new script and the pharmacy had accepted my insurance information.

If only this kind of runaround burned calories instead of burning my backside. So I went home, called the provider and got forwarded three times to some very friendly if not a bit unhelpful people. Finally, I was put on hold for 20 minutes and then the dreaded "click" and I had lost the person who was helping me.

At this point I called my local agent and left a message (rats are winning). Then I started calling the numbers I thought might work. Only one transfer later I had a somewhat helpful person who told me she entered me into the system.

Huzzah! I can run to the pharmacy, right?

Not so fast, the woman said in a cheery voice. This can take up to 72 hours to kick in. 

I could feel the runaround calories burning. I had been going through the application process for nearly three weeks. Had account numbers and all sorts of confirmation material, but I'd need to wait for my necessary prescriptions for three days?

I started thinking I would have been better off running to the pharmacy on foot. At least then the runaround would have burned some real calories.

Well if you see the world's slowest human out on the roads looking fat, dumb and not so happy, give me a wave.