No Business Like Snow Business

Today I am 192.6 pounds of rolling thunder.

So if orange is indeed the new black, then to me snow is the new sand. Not that I have ever run any distance through sand, but I've been told it is great exercise and builds up your calves while reducing the pounding that your legs take.

Well, Mother Nature or Old Man Winter have provided us with a couple of good snowfalls already this year, so I figured why not just go with and run through the snow. Taking to the roads when it's snowy and icy out can be a little iffy and the drivers, especially at night when I have time to run, can be a bit chippy, and so it is that I have elected to run on snow-packed sidewalks.

Maybe it's just because I'm the world's slowest human and have come to running late in the game, but I find running through snow kind of fun and definitely challenging. And while sand and it's associated warmer weather might be preferable, a runner's got to do what a runner's got to do so why not just go with it and enjoy the ride?

I can definitely tell when I've spent most or part of my running session traveling through the snow. In a way it's like running with squishy lead boots strapped to your legs. I find it even more challenging when the sidewalks are impassible and I have to take to the snow-covered grass alongside the sidewalk.

Plus, it's just fun to do something different to break up the monotony of running on all-too-familiar streets. Slippery? Yes. Challenging? Definitely. But even if I have to cut short my run because of cold or dark conditions I find 45 minutes outside goes by immensely faster than pound out the minutes on my Nordic Trak or sitting on the seat of a stationary bike.

So what if your new running shoes get a little wet. Heck, you bought them to run in, right? They'll dry out. And if it's that big of a deal, dig out an old pair from the back of the closet. Just get out there and enjoy the run.

So here's the deal, if you see the world's slowest human out there slogging through the snow with big dumb grin on his face, give me a wave. Welcome to the joy ride.

Merry Christmas to Me!

Today I am 193.8 pounds of rolling thunder -- a month ago (forgive me readers for I have neglected you) I was 189.0 pounds of rolling thunder.

It's been a while since we've gotten together to talk about the joys and pitfalls of being a runner, and much has changed during that time. Obviously, there is more rolling thunder of me to go around, which I attribute to the freezing cold and my body's primordial desire to add a fat layer so as not to freeze to death over the winter.

At least that's the tale I tell myself as I struggle to answer why I keep an extra 5 pounds on my frame during the winter months, which sounds a whole lot better than the truth which is the cold and darkness reduce my running time by about 20 percent these days, and I often opt for indoor workouts that require less energy.

Perhaps the biggest change is the fact that I have now given in and purchased running shoes that cost me just short of the national debt. Yes, if paying out the nose for running shoes qualifies one as a "runner" than I should be on the brink of world class.

I've always wanted to go to one of those fancy running shoe stores to have an "expert" fitter look at my gait and watch to see if I was an under or over pronater but the lure of cheaper sporting goods store shoes always drew me in and kept me away.

This time, my mind was made up. I had made the laps at all the big box sales places and had even narrowed my choices down somewhat. But then, there I was at the mall with the running store. And then, there I was in stocking feet walking around a small oval so a stranger could watch me and analyze my steps.

The next thing I knew, I was surrounded by boxes filled with shoes baring all sorts of exotic names. Heck, the names alone made me feel like a runner -- or a cheetah.

My quick trip to the mall went from a mere 30 minutes to more than an hour as I slipped on countless shoes. First the left foot and then the right. Matched pairs. Mixed pairs. How does that feel? My, that toe box feels comfy. Plantar fasciitis would rule me no more.

Finally, it was down to two shoes. Yes, I could run in either of these. And the salesman was kind enough to correct me when I opined that I was a heavy runner. Really, there was no choice. One shoe was truly the most comfy, but then there it was. How about that model, I asked.

There it was. The holy grail of running shoes. The one in the big ad in a runner's magazine.

Why there was a pair in the back that was just my size. The minute those babies hit my feet it was a match made in running heaven. Price tags be damned. I was a runner. These shoes were going home with me.

And yes, they've been a great buy, but I'm still not going to break any land speed records. But oh do my feet and joints feel better. Merry Christmas to me.

Today I am 188.6 pounds of rolling thunder.

Snow is a word I had hoped not to use for another month or so, but here we are in mid-October and the temperatures have dipped into the low 40s. A check with our friends on Facebook tells me that snow has rolled across eastern Colorado and into western Kansas.

Fortunately, there is no call for snow in my forecast, but the thought of a misty, cold run after work today doesn't sound all that inviting.

Darn it all. Wasn't it just May when the last snowfall swept through the area turning spring back into winter one last time? Winter had overstayed its welcome then and it just might do it again.

If this sounds like the musing of a running wimp, well they are. I'm sort of a cold weather wimp, but I do like to get my run in so it might be time to find the tights and bundle up.

Plus, I've got some motivation. I finally bit the bullet and bought an UP to track my fitness efforts.

For those of you not familiar with the Up from Jawbone, it's a wristband device that tracks your movement and sleep. And, of course, it comes with an app that displays your data, lets you add things like meals and mood, and delivers insights that keep you moving forward.

And, of course, to make the app run I needed a cellphone upgrade. So being a runner, I decided to upgrade the phone as well so I could actually run the app that turns the UP on. Confused? Let's just say it was an excuse to add more gizmos to my already cluttered life.

So after wrestling the UP from its tightly sealed packaging I put it on and started the day off counting steps and calories. o far, 2,272 steps taken and 1,054 calories burned. I'm feeling healthier already, and I'm also sensing pie in my future.

Hopefully, there is an app to shake the wimp from my system and get me back out on the road. How shameful would it be for the world's slowest human not to hit the streets when he's got a new UP to tell him where he's going?

Every Dog Has His Day

Today I am 194.0 pounds of rolling thunder.

It's been a long, long time since I've had a day like today while I was out running. Seldom are my lungs, legs and body all in agreement and we can move forward without one or a couple of them disagreeing with the process, which means more walking and less running.

But today something was different. For the first time in forever I was able to scale the three peaks -- OK, large rises -- that are on my 6-mile loop without walking. In fact, except for a couple of very brief stoplight breaks, I was on the move running for all of the loop without taking a walking break.

Maybe it was the cooler weather. The temperature was down about 10 degrees but still warm enough to run without a shirt. And the humidity was normal for this time of year.

Maybe it was the day off I had yesterday from running because I pulled a double shift and worked from 8 a.m. until after midnight. The old fresh legs theory at work, obviously.

Or maybe, I'm finally getting into some sort of running shape. The fact is, my last three runs have been fairly good. I've noticed an increased ability to run up hills and to extend to longer distances. On Sunday I ran a timed 3 miles, and while the time was embarrassingly slow, the promising part is I did it with wrist weights on and didn't have to walk at all.

So I'll take small victories where I can get them!

I'm sure as the world's slowest runner it won't be long and the hills will be calling my name again But for one day, I made the loop without a stop, and I'll take that to the bank.

Good luck my fellow runners. Be safe. Pray for some rain. And give me a wave if you see the world's slowest runner out on the streets.

Smile -- Even When Your Run Slowly

June 8, 2013

Today I am 194.8 pounds of rolling thunder.

I smiled this week when I rolled through the slowest 3 miles I've ever recorded. I'm sure my time, which was just north of 40 minutes, wasn't the slowest I've ever run, but it's the slowest I've gotten an official time for.

I smiled because it was the first time in weeks that I didn't stop to walk. I rolled up and down the neighborhood hills without taking a walking break. I also hit all five stop lights along the familiar loop at just the right time, so there was no standing or jogging in place, just pure running.

And although my time was really slow -- maintaining my hold on my ranking as the world's slowest human -- it was good to know that I could still get around the course without taking a walking break. Now, would I like to be able to do more? Who wouldn't?

I'm convinced that you lay down muscle memory as a kid, and that helps you in later life. I wasn't a distance runner as a youngster, so I skipped that portion of my training life. At that time I'd rather sprint than jog, and the thought of running mile after mile for no good reason seemed really boring -- really, really boring.

At least that's my excuse for being the world's slowest human. That and an extra 20 pounds that I'd love to loan some other carbohydrate-sucking mammal as I strive to make myself healthier and just a little bit faster.

But for now, being able to do the neighborhood loop without a stop is pretty good. And a couple of days later I did it again -- OK, this time I walked five steps and hit one light on red and had to jog in place. But my time went south of 40, and hopefully I can keep rolling over all the hills.

Who knows, it's been a while since I've seen 35 minutes, but maybe it will be in me at some point. The main thing I hope is that I can keep enjoying my run and limit the amount of walking that I do.

So if you see the world's slowest runner out walking, give me a wave, it will remind me to get my wheels moving again.

Meet the New Road Warrior

March 27, 2013

Today I am 198.0 pounds of rolling thunder.

Somebody want to tell winter that it's spring, so it's time to pack your bags filled with snow and get the heck out of town?

Doesn't Old Man Winter realize were almost to weekend No.2 of the NCAA basketball tournament? It never snows this late in the year, and yet, here we are with six inches of the slushy stuff still under foot.

Last weekend's snowfall has made this week's running a bit of an adventure. Wasn't it just a week ago Friday that I ran five miles with no shirt on in 80-degree weather? What happened to that? What happened to all of spring break and it's promise of the oncoming spring?

Punxsutawney Phil you done me wrong son. I'm done with the snowy stuff. Bring on the spring. Recheck that shadow-watching thing, your gauges must be stuck or something.

So I clip-clopped my usual joggerly pace around the 'hood again today. The weather was cool, but the sun shone down and there was little wind to make it a bitter day out on the streets. 

Yes, it was a street day as the majority of sidewalks have yet to be plowed. My first half mile isn't so bad. It's on a wide street with moderate traffic, so it's a pretty safe go even when you run on the asphalt.

Then comes the tricky part. I hate to do it to my metal-contained friends, but with 5-6 inches of snow still packing many of the sidewalks there's little else a runner can do but to grab some space on the edge of the open road. Normally, I try and stay as near to the edge as I can, and most drivers are courteous enough to nudge their way over to the far side of the lane.

But some drivers are out to prove a point. These so-and-so's take pleasure in making you dive into the snowbanks, or hop up into the snow that's piled up on the sidewalk. 

When all is said and done, I've got nothing to complain about. I got out and ran, and that beats sitting inside on a stationary bike any day of the week.

So here's the deal, get out and run. Enjoy the snow before it's gone for another year. And if you see the world's slowest human taking up some road space, give me a wave.

'The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook.'

McDavid

Feb. 4, 2013

Well, we're a month into the new year and all those resolutions have worn off for almost everybody I know. If you are the exception to the rule, take an atta-boy out of petty cash and have yourself a party, it's on me.

Today I am 194.8 pounds of rolling thunder. On Jan. 4, I was 194.0 pounds of rolling thunder. And in the meantime I have been as low as 190 and as high as 196 pounds of rolling thunder.

While some people might accuse me of limp-syncing my entire January workout regimen, I can assure you that it was actually me out there pounding out the miles on the road. But it was also me pounding down the carbs and cookies, which are my greatest nemesis.

Now my excuses usually begin, but certainly don't end, with the fact that I come from a long line of pear-shaped German people who love their carbs in every form, but especially cookies. You combine that with a dread of all things green and it's a recipe for a weight-loss plateau like no other.

While it would be nice to look and feel like those super athletes on TV, the fact is, we're learning most of them have some sort of chemical helper that assists them in looking that way and achieving miraculous physical feats.

William James

Today's inspirational quote comes from American philosopher William James.

"The art of being wise is knowing what to overlook."

How true this all is in our daily lives. How many times have any of us wasted the energy of going down a path of worry only to find out later that it wasn't worth the stress and anxiety that we had put on ourselves?

Or like the line from ""Peggy Sue Got Married" where Peggy Sue says, "Well, Mr Snelgrove, I happen to know that in the future I will not have the slightest use for algebra, and I speak from experience"

But we're not movie characters, and the plots of our lives can't be wrapped up in a 90-minute story complete with a happy ending. So that is why I pound the pavement and run, walk or ride whenever I can.

While I might be the world's slowest human, I know my health is not something to overlook. But at the same time, I think minor fluctuations in weight can definitely be overlooked as long as you're at a healthy weight and you're moving every day.

So my advice, be your own philosopher and dictate your own fate for the day. Run, ride, roll or walk but do something active. It will make you feel better, New Year's resolutions be damned.

My Scale Must Be Broken!

Jan. 9, 2013

Today, I just know my scale is broken. How can I be 195.2 pounds of rolling thunder? How indeed?

I'm still amazed how many people in my extended circle of friends have resolved in the new year to lose weight. Yeah, I'm sure it's one of my resolutions, too, but I've resolved not to have resolutions this year so that darn scale just has to be broken.

I am, however, going to try to eat more healthy food, drink more water and less diet soda and generally skip late-night snacking.

I don't know about the rest of you runners, joggers, walkers and mere mortals, but cookies call to me at night. I hear their little voices telling me they won't survive the night alone in the cold, dark kitchen.

So, to put them out of their misery, I eat them. It would be a shame to let them suffer like that in fear all night, so why not help myself and the cookies out by having a little snack while watching yet another CSI rerun before shutting things down for the night?

I admit it, I'm a stress eater, and sugary snacks are my nemesis. I know this because sugary carbs are my friend. They help me fight off the late-night worries and they keep my belly pleasantly plumb. 

So the goal is to limit those little critters from calling my name, drink more water and eat real foods and not just things that you have no idea where they came from.

Oh, and exercise. Now I've done a pretty good job of incorporating some form of cardio workout into my daily routine. Otherwise those little late-night carb critters would have my BMI somewhere in the jumbo range.

Yesterday, I hit the road again for my walk. The winter has once again gone on an upswing and the day was great to get out and grind the miles. No inside bike. No NordicTrack. No stair stepper. Just me concentrating on keeping a strong pace with arms swinging at my sides.

It was a good hour and a half walk followed by a quick bowl of steel-cut oats and yogurt for a snack. I've heard a lot about steel-cut oats, but this is my first chance at trying them for myself -- the jury is still out. To be fair, I mixed them raw into my yogurt and it was a bit like eating Grape-Nuts. So I'll reserve judgment until I've eaten them properly cooked.

The great thing is I got out and moved. Now if I could just get my scale fixed, I just know the weight will melt away like snow on a 60-degree winter day.

Good luck to all of us non-resolutionists.

 

Don't Let Stress Ruin Your Run!

Dec. 10, 2012

Today I won't be any pounds of rolling thunder. 

In fact, I won't be running at all. I've got one of those creepy bad cold that sneaks up on you, and before you know it you've got every form of over-the-counter pill, tablet and liquid known to man rumbling around in your system while you try and seek some relief -- or at least a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.

But that's no excuse for not blogging. Lately, there hasn't been a lot of running but a lot of stressing.

Between working, volunteering with the Boy Scouts and fighting this cold, there hasn't been much time for writing.

It's amazing what stress can do to your body. I've been running for three or so years now on a steady basis, and you would think that it would get easier, but up until this summer I still made frequent walking stops while I was running.

Normally, I just chalked it up to getting older and not starting out as a distance runner. I was not what you would call an early adapter when it came to lacing up the old running shoes and going for a job. I was more the ball-and-goal athlete most of my life.

But something convinced me I needed to improve my fitness, mainly to give me more wind when I was out biking. So I hit the streets. I didn't like it, but I hit the streets. And after a while it started to pay off on the bike. I could climb hills and not be winded at the top.

But somewhere along the line, I started having to walk more and run less. Again, I attributed it to just being a poor runner and didn't put much onus on the role stress can play in your life.

But this fall and summer, I've been able to push through more distance and hills than in the past. Somehow the promise of the endorphin rush at the end of the journey made the pain worthwhile.

Recently, however, I've been stressing more about work and life in general. And the more I stressed, the less relaxing the runs became and the more I was tempted to slow down and walk. I could even feel a physical tightening in my torso that would not allow me to breathe as easily.

It was as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders as the stress monsters took over my consciousness. What was once fun had begun to become a chore, and blogging about it didn't seem to have time on the agenda.

But now I'm back blog fans. Atlas shrugged and the weight of the world did not run me over -- although this cold just might. I'm anxious to shake this creaky feeling of sinus infection and body aches and get back out on the streets with the sun shining in my slow-moving face.

So until you see the world's slowest human out there again, wish me luck and don't stress.

Time To Pull Out The Headlights And Keep Running

Nov. 17, 2012 -- I've lost count of the days.

Today I'm an undetermined amount of rolling thunder. I skipped the scale and went straight to my work.

I wish I knew a good reason why we spring forward and fall back. Sure, I've heard all the excuses about kids getting on school buses in the dark. And farmers needing more daylight. And even a theory that it's all the work of the leisure industry lobby.

The bottom line is I don't like running in the dark. My run time has moved in the last week to after 5 p.m. and most nights closer to 6. While the warm autumn days have provided mild evening runs, it's just no fun running in the dark.

I guess there are always those alley cats who enjoy the darkness, but me, I'd rather know when I'm about to step on an acorn that could twist and ankle or send me tumbling to the ground.

I did an indoor workout on my Nordic Track, but that got boring after about 20 minutes, but I endured on for 30. Still, it wasn't like getting out and breathing deep while taking a good run.

I suppose the ice and snow of winter will eventually force me off the roads and into the basement or the gym, but maybe we'll have another mild winter. Last year I don't think there was a week when I was unable to get out on the road for at least a day or two during the week.

Could be a winter season for cross-training on the bike, Nordic Track and stair climber. Who knows, maybe I'll really learn how to swim this year.

Anybody else out there get really bored on a Nordic Track? I see tons of them at yard sales, so I'm sure that I'm not alone.

So I suppose we're all in agreement that it sucks when you can't get out there on the road, so enjoy every minute of these fine fall days. 

And remember, when you see the world's slowest human out running, just give me a wave.

Why Did I Ever Race The Clock?

Day 50 -- Sept. 25, 2012

Today I'm 193.2 pounds of rolling thunder.

It's been a while since I raced the clock. Quite a while in fact.

One of the nice things about being the world's slowest human is never having to punch the clock.

But every once in a while I indulge my vanity and try a little test of speed. And just as often I get a punch to the gut that tells me that I'm not fooling anyone.

Nevertheless I've been running well lately with few if any breaks to walk, so I thought I'd test my mettle with a 3-mile timed run. I have a 3-mile route that is a mixture of stop lights and small hills, so timing is everything if you want to keep momentum going.

I warmed up by jogging up the hill near my house. It's a half-mile stretch that tells me where I'm at for the day. Run all the way up, and it's going to be a good day. Run/walk/run and it's OK. Run and then walk, and you're asking for trouble.

But part of the reason I start on top of the hill is to give myself a rolling start. I know downhills are tougher on ankles, knees and other joints, but so far it hasn't been an issue.

So I jogged to the top of the hill and took it as an omen that it was going to be a good day out on the road. I stopped at the corner to stretch and loosen my muscles, which, by the way, are genetically hard-wired to be tight as piano wire.

It was a mild yet humid day, so sweat came easy as I punched my wrist watch and started down the mile-long descent to the first turn. And even though you say time doesn't matter, just once it would be nice to look down at the half-mile or mile marker and be surprised by the number staring back at you.

There was no surprise at the half-mile mark. The number on my watch was large and getting larger.

I made the mile turn in a time that could as easily have been measured on a sun dial as on a digital wrist watch. Ouch! But I was still running. No walks.

I rounded the corner and began the second mile, which is filled with rolling hills and a single stop light. A long stop light, but the only one along the way. Catch it just right and you can maintain momentum from the hill you're on as you ascend the next one. Miss it, and it's a long wait for green.

I figured I'd be OK if I was only a minute slower in the second mile -- not proud, but OK. So moral victory No. 2 was making the second mile with all its hills without walking and only a minute slower than the downhill mile at the start of the run.

I turned the corner and headed for home. A half-mile downhill followed by a long flat (with two lights) and then a gradual ascent to the finish. I saw a walker in the distance so I pushed to try and catch her. I made the stop light and passed the walker on the flat.

I made the second light with little delay and rolled up the final climb. My time was horrible, but I had gone the distance without a walk or much of a pause. Victory was in the doing and not in the time was my rationalization, and I'm sticking to it.

So the next time you see the world's slowest human out on the streets, give me a wave.