World's Slowest Human Faster? ... Maybe

Day 52 -- Sept. 28, 2012

Today I am 189.2 pounds of rolling thunder.

There's an old saying that goes even a broken watch is right twice a day. Well, yesterday I found out that even a broken clock on a radio is in the ballpark -- right?

I decided yesterday that since I've been running so well I'd test myself against the clock -- again. What was I thinking? Hadn't I sworn off the 3-mile run of doom after posting a really, really slow time on Tuesday? If you missed it, I pretty much had done so.

But I was full of myself and my new found stamina and resolve, so I decided to throw caution to the wind and try my 3-mile route again. This time, unfortunately, I was toting my portable radio with its sketchy time-keeper on the front cover.

Now this fine piece of electronics is the best you can buy at Target for $15. It's neither water resistant nor reliable to keep your preset stations in its memory. But the price was right, and I've nursed it along for about a year.

So I got to my usual starting point at the top of the hill and waited for the dial to tick over to the next minute and off I went. My main thought was to keep loose on the downhills. I read somewhere that it should feel like your falling forward, so I tried to loosen my hips and relax my upper body and it seemed to work.

I made the first mile in under 10 minutes. Or at least I thought it was under 10 if the clock was working correctly. I knew if I was under 21 at the 2-mile point I'd be doing well (remember, these are world's slowest human standards). 

The trick here was I had to count 40 Mississippis at the stoplight, and when I hit the corner, I'd have to do another time count to find out where I was on the running clock. So what did I do? I ball-parked a number and kept going.

It was downhill from there with two more dead-stop stoplights. Dang. More Mississippis to count.

I finally made it to the last stretch of about three city blocks with a slight incline and somehow found some acceleration in my legs. I clicked my radio to off so I could see the time and begin my count so I'd know where my seconds were.

About 70 to 80 counts into my calculation I gave up figuring my $15 time piece wasn't going to pay any dividends. I'm figuring I was three to four minutes faster than last time. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

So if you see the world's slowest human, who might just be a little faster, out on the street, give me a wave.